Semilir

Seperti hujan, rintik, syahdu
Buat hatimu lapang dan sendu

Seperti angin yang membawa bau hujan
Dibuai aroma

Seperti sunyinya hutan
Samar terdengar, menenangkan

Menatap, melihat, memandang
Bergejolak

Sungguh, makhluk apa dia itu
Sejuta rasa merasuk

Merupakan Jalanmu

Semua yang kau perbuat
Semua yang kau usahakan
Semua yang kau lakukan
Semua perbuatan, usaha, kelakuanmu

Takkan berarti apa apa jika itu bukan

Takkan pergi ke mana jika itu

Takkan pernah datang jika itu bukan

Tak usah kaupikirkan
Karena jika memang
Akan terjadi juga

Ya ya ya

Aku bukan pilihan pertamanya
Mungkin pilihan kedua ketiga
Atau pilihan yang setara di antara 10 juta lainnya
Lalu apa bedanya aku dengan ikan-ikan di akuariumnya?
Tinggal pilih saja
Tak istimewa

Yang Fana

Tiap saat memikirkan yang sudah kau miliki
tapi pernahkah kau berpikir bahwa semua itu bukanlah milikmu?
bahkan dari sebagian hartamu ada milik orang lain
lebih jauh lagi
semua itu hanya titipan
karena kita semua berangkat dari nol
tak memiliki
dan menuju ketiadaan kita kembali

Salahku Juga

Aku tak mengerti mengapa maksud yang baik bisa menjadi negatif dalam pikiranku.
Apa karena aku merasa diserang? Menjadi defensif?
Mungkin pula disebabkan pikiranku yang dipenuhi skenario-skenario bodoh,
yang tidak seharusnya ada di pikiranku.
Benarkah seharusnya itu semua tidak ada dalam pikiranku?
Mungkinkah sesungguhnya skenario itu benar?
Tak mau menerimaku apa adanya? Tak mau menerimaku yang seperti ini?

Ya salahku juga

Life Lesson from thefishybowl

Diambil dari: https://thefishybowl.wordpress.com/2014/10/27/life-lesson-534-stop-trying-to-change-other-people/

LIFE LESSON #534: STOP TRYING TO CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE

Posted on October 27, 2014 by Emma Higgins under Relationships

One of the biggest struggles I’ve faced so far, is to stop trying to change others. I hate to even admit it, but I’ve struggled with this in romantic relationships, in friendships, with family, and professionally.

I’ve stayed in unhealthy relationships hoping that the other person would change.
I’ve caused problems in relationships by pressuring the other person to change.
I’ve argued with family members because I thought they should be different.
I’ve been disappointed by expecting someone to act differently than they always do.
I’ve been frustrated with friends who weren’t doing what I thought they should.
I’ve felt exasperated by clients who seemed stuck in bad habits.

This probably makes me sound like a controlling narcissist, but most of the time I’m completely unaware that the problem is rooted in an underlying desire for another person to change. I think most of us often make the mistake of trying to change another person, or even just hoping another person will change, and I think it’s the underlying cause of a lot of interpersonal conflicts.

Why Do We Want to Change Others?

Because we think we’re helping.

Often, I want people to change when I feel they are unhappy, or that they could be happier. I might try to get a client to change their habits, when I feel they are self-destructive. I might try to get a friend to change their perspective, when I feel it’s holding them back. Hell, even this post is an attempt to get you to change the way you think about relating to others, because I hope it might be helpful!

So often we size up other people, try to identify what their “problem” is, and offer solutions. While this process feels altruistic, it’s really just self-serving. It makes mefeel better to believe I can help, but what am I really doing for the other person? Most likely, I’m belittling their experience by suggesting there’s a simple solution, and insulting their intelligence by assuming I could solve problems they couldn’t. Most people can figure out for themselves what they should do, but it’s the doing itthat’s difficult, and no one can do it for them but themselves. Even if someone takes our advice and benefits from it, we’ve robbed from them the process of figuring it out themselves, and the ability to take full ownership of their own success.

Because who they are feels threatening.

We like to feel “right”. Other people’s differences from us can make us feel uncertain about ourselves, and the way we live life. Uncertainty is uncomfortable, so we maintain our sense of security by judging/critiquing/finding fault with people who are different. Essentially asserting that they should be more like us, because we’re just so damn “right”. It can span from something as superficial as fashion choice, to something as intimate as personality, or spiritual beliefs. In reality, it’s a reflection of our own weakness, our own insecurity. Instead of tolerating the possibility that we’re wrong (or at least no more right than someone else) we rationalize why someone else is wrong and should change. The more we tear them down, the more secure we feel. Only it’s not a sustainable way of gaining security, because it’s just a matter of time before we find something else that challenges our beliefs, behaviors, perspectives, etc.

Because they are difficult to exist with.

There are people who are just difficult to deal with. Our first reaction to such people is generally to think of all the reasons why they are difficult, and how much easier life would be if they would just change. Unfortunately, this is usually just a waste our energy, because the only people we have control over is ourselves. We can set ourselves up for repeated disappointment by continuing to hope someone will act differently than they always do, or we can ask how we can change so that it affects us less. Focusing on other people’s flaws distracts us from facing our own deficiencies, like maybe our low frustration tolerance, or our inability to fulfill our own needs.

Why Trying to Change Others is a Mistake

Because it doesn’t work.

Research suggests you may be able to get a person to change their habits, but our personalities are pretty stable throughout life. When trying to get a person to change in any way, we need to remember that their sense of security is just as dependent on feeling “right” as ours is. For the most part, trying to get another person to change will only heighten their defenses and motivate them to think of all the reasons they’re right and you should change. Genuine change has to come from within. Generally the more it’s forced on someone, the more they will resist it.

“When a person gets insecure, he retreats to his conditioned personality, a coat of armor made of bad habits and pretenses”
– Dr. George Pransky, The Relationship Handbook

Because we have nothing to learn from someone exactly like us.

Trying to change someone else robs you of the value that they provide by being exactly who they are. I believe people come into your life exactly how they are,because of who they are – and that’s the only way they are of value to us. Maybe because they challenge us to grow, to look at the world a in a different way, to learn from their struggles. By trying to get people to fit into the little box that is easiest for us to accept them, we truly limit ourselves so much.

Because it keeps us from truly connecting with another person.

Worst case scenario: another person starts acting in such a way as to please us, and in the process they lose their authentic self. Often times they end up losing their unique spark that drew us to them in the first place. Even though their behavior may be more acceptable to us, their soul is less accessible to us. You cannot have true intimacy with someone who is not being authentic – in fact intimacy is contingentupon feeling secure enough to be your authentic self. If you make someone feel that like isn’t safe for them to be themselves – that being themselves might be met with criticism and reprimand, then you can never truly connect with that person. Connection to other humans is the most important part of life, and not an area to make concessions.

Because the greatest thing you can do for anyone, is accept them.

Our relationship is the best thing we can offer someone. Our love. Our acceptance. This far exceeds any value of advice, or influence. Every person has everything they need to reach their fullest potential already inside them, but we are all held back by fear and insecurity. The best thing we can do for another person, is to support who they are completely, so that everything they have inside can find its way out. This is what truly allows people to grow and transform into the best version of themselves, whoever they are supposed to be. Trying to force change on someone makes them fight it, but accepting someone unconditionally frees them to explore new possibilities.

“Self-esteem, confidence, wisdom and understanding are what allow people to drop destructive habits and make sound decisions in life. All of these qualities are brought out by goodwill, not by pressure and humiliation”
– Dr. George Pransky, The Relationship Handbook

Accepting People for Who They Are

When I say that you should accept people for who they are, I’m not suggesting that in extreme situations you should tolerate hurtful, disrespectful, etc. behaviors. Although I would still suggest you shouldn’t waste energy waiting for that person’s personality to change. Instead our energy should be directed towards what we can change. It might be working on our own communication skills to get along with others better, or our own coping skills to better tolerate difficult people, or it might be gathering the strength to cut an infectious person out of our life.

I’m also not suggesting that you shouldn’t try to work through differences with people. As mentioned, people can change their habits with awareness and motivation. If it drives you crazy that your husband leaves his dirty socks on the floor, he might be able to change this habit. Try bringing it to his awareness in a way that isn’t attacking him as a person, and that communicates you still accept him socks or no socks. In other words, we can resolve issues with other people, without asking or expecting them to change fundamental aspects of themselves.
Not only do I believe that accepting another person is the greatest gift you can give them, I believe it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself. Personally, letting go of any expectations for another person to be anything other than what they are has been one of the most liberating experiences.

“Happiness lies in accepting everyone in our lives EXACTLY as they are.
We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them.
This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.”
~Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It’s achieved by, and contributes to, a change in perspective from focusing on what more I want from a person, to appreciating what they already offer. Appreciating a person for their strengths and weaknesses, their nooks and crannies. Not evaluating and judging each aspect of them in isolation, and approving or disapproving. Instead, taking a step back and taking in the entire person, like a piece of art in which the darkest parts accentuate the brightest and beautiful parts in an essential way – such that if you took away any aspect of the piece, the whole would lose its’ meaning.  

Entahlah

Ikhlas itu seperti apa?
Salahkah jika manusia ingin
.......nya dijaga?
Atau memang tak berharga?
Atau memang konsep ikhlas terlalu tinggi untuk hati manusia?
Entahlah

Manusia memang tidak sempurna

maka harus dimaklumi?

Atau kau yang terlalu naif untuk hal macam ini

Really?

I feel empty
and don't know what to do

should I feel sorry for myself?
I am nothing

dust to dust
ashes to ashes

still

Sesungguhnya

Sesungguhnya apa arti hidup ini?
Sesungguhnya apa tujuan hidup ini?
Sesungguhnya apa guna hidup ini?

Sesungguhnya butuhkah manusia terhadap yang menciptanya?

Sesungguhnya untuk apa manusia diciptakan?
Sesungguhnya apa arti dunia fana?
Sesungguhnya apa arti akhirat kekal?

Sesungguhnya apa arti kebebasan?
Sesungguhnya apa arti takdir?

Sesungguhnya untuk apa kau masih memikirkan semua ini?

Pikiran

Seorang pemuda menanyakan nasibnya pada sekuntum bunga

akankah terjadi?
tidak
akankah terjadi?
tidak
akankah terjadi?
tidak
akankah terjadi?
tidak
akankah terjadi?
tidak
akankah terjadi?
tidak
akankah terjadi?

kuntum bunga belumlah habis tetapi dia memutuskan untuk percaya
bahwa itu takkan terjadi

tetapi masa depan tidak sesimpel itu
dan pikiran dapat menjangkau melewati dunia dan kenyataan

kau masih tetap bodoh

Mudah?

Hanya dengan membayangkan kau bisa berbuat apa saja
Hanya dengan membayangkan kau bisa pergi ke mana saja
Tetapi sesungguhnya kau diam di tempat
Sesungguhnya kau tidak berbuat apapun

Maka bergeraklah

Hah, mudah saja kau berkata itu

Lingkaran

Hidup yang berputar
Merasakan kesulitan
Merasakan kesenangan

Hidup yang seimbang
Tanpa rasa sedih
Takkan ada bahagia

Hidup yang berpasang-pasangan
Jantan
Betina

Hidup yang seperti lingkaran
Kejahatan
Diikuti kebaikan

Lingkaran setan
Inilah hidup
C'est la vie

A hole

Some said it's just a game
Else said it's ok, don't mind

But it's not just about a game
I can't change the feeling of
Trying hard to change your fate

The feeling of
Not trying harder
Higher than your limit

I know I have my limit
And that is fate, but

The feeling is there

For a short moment
I came to despise the court
Despise the game
Despise my fate
Despise myself

God help me

Terukur

Seseorang pernah bilang

Aku pernah memiliki semuanya, tapi aku tak bahagia.
Tapi di saat aku memiliki sedikit saja, aku lebih bahagia.
Bahagia itu tidak ditentukan yang kau miliki

Untuk hal itu, ada seseorang yang bilang

Bahagia ditentukan pikiranmu sendiri.
Jika bahagia ditentukan materi, tentulah orang kaya selalu bahagia, nyatanya tidak.
Jika bahagia ditentukan usia, orang di sekitar dan lainnya hal-hal remeh, pastilah semua orang bahagia, nyatanya tidak.
Di saat kau merasa cukup, maka kau bahagia.
Senantiasa bersyukur, bahagialah engkau.

Untuk saat ini, aku belum mencapainya

Tak Terukur

Malangnya si kucing tua itu
Tiap hari hatinya teriris
Tiap malam jantungnya tersedak
Dan siapa yang dapat memperbaiki?
Adakah penawarnya?

Belum, mungkin tidak
Salahmu sendiri masuk ke dalamnya

Tentu Saja (I)

Rasa kehilangan ini terus membuntutiku. Menggerogoti kulitku seperti gigitan nyamuk, menusuk-nusuk kepalaku. Mengherankan, aku tak pernah merasa kehilangan apa pun seumur hidupku. Hidupku sudah terasa lengkap, tapi masih saja tersisa nelangsa itu. Entah bagaimana akhirnya kusadari, rasa kehilangan itu mengarah kepada sesorang. Siapa dia? Bagaimana wajahnya?Apa yang dia lakukan sekarang? Mengapa dia terus membuat rasa ini muncul?

Maka kucoba untuk mencarinya. Bahkan setelah kulepaskan segala bentuk wujud dan ragaku, dia masih belum dapat kutemukan. "Aku harus bertanya pada Malam", pikirku. Malam pasti menyaksikan saat dia pergi tidur, Malam pasti tahu seperti apa rupanya. Malam pun datang dan aku pun bertanya, "Hei Malam, yang menaungi istirahatnya manusia, seperti apakah wajahnya? Wajah yang kucari itu?"

Namun malam bergeming, ia lewat begitu saja, tak mengacuhkanku. Malam telah lewat 40 kali dan aku terus bertanya padanya setiap kali ia lewat. Pertanyaan yang sama terus kuulang. Omong-omong tentang Malam, dia tidak suka keributan. Seperti orang tua, ia lebih suka ketenangan, karena itu ia merasa terganggu setiap ada ribut-ribut di saat dia datang.

Kuhitung 99 kali ia lewat, tak pernah sekalipun ia mengacuhkanku. Pada malam ke-100, acuh tak acuh Sang Malam bertanya, "mengapa kau terus menungguku, apa kau tak lelah? Bahkan aku pun lelah terus mengacuhkanmu."

Maka kujawab, "karena aku harus tau, karena aku ingin tau."

"Tentu saja itu harus kau lihat sendiri." Jawab Sang Malam.

Malam pun pergi begitu saja. Kuputuskan untuk bertanya pada Siang....

Would she? Could she?

Allegra: "Doctor Fell, do you believe a man could become so obsessed with a woman from a single encounter?"

Lecter: "Could he daily foel a stab of hunger fοr her and find nourishment in the very sight of her?
I think so. But would she see through the bars of his plight and ache for him?"



Hannibal (2001)

Senyum Rindu

Biduan malam penyambung rindu
Melukis senyum di wajahku

Mengapa kau diam saja hei jangkrik?!!
Sudah kubilang iringi nyanyiannya

Bukan sembarang nyanyian atau senandung
Hatiku diseret-seret olehnya

Cinta Gila - Netral

Melesat menuju langit tujuh
Secepat kilat menembus angkasa
Jauh kutinggalkan planet bumi
Terbang melayang melanglang buana

Racun cinta membius hamba
Panas dingin demam asmara


Cinta memang gila
Gak kenal permisi
Bila disengatnya
Say NO TO Kompromi

Ku tak kuasa ku tak berdaya
Sikebo bego dicucuk hidungnya

Jika

Jika perasaanmu tidak selintang dengan jalan pikiranku
Akan kucoba menyelaraskan jalan pikiranku dengan perasaanmu
Jika jalan pikiranku tak terolah oleh perasaanmu
Mungkinkah kau mencoba menyelaraskannya?

Begitulah kata orang awam di seberang sana
Dia belum tau arah, hanya tujuan
Maka dia menjadi bodoh
Atau hanya merasa bodoh

tentu saja

sang pencari menunggu datangnya malam

malam pun datang dengan letih

kenapa kau menungguku?

hanya ingin bertanya, seperti apa wajahnya saat malam?

itu harus kau lihat sendiri

sang pencari pun menunggu datangnya siang

siang pun datang seiring malam pamit

kenapa kau menungguku?

hanya ingin bertanya, seperti apa wajahnya saat siang?

bodoh, kau datangi dia, lalu pandangilah sepuasnya

tahukah kau di mana dia?

ikuti jalan ini dan ini, dia ada di balik tabir

sang pencari pun mendatangi yang dicarinya

dan mati karenanya

Jangan Hilang

Sesungguhnya rasa suka itu diikuti rasa lain
Sesungguhnya rasa cinta itu diikuti pula rasa yang lain

Yang sudah pasti ada adalah rasa tidak ingin kehilangan yang disukai
Yang sudah pasti ada adalah rasa tidak ingin kehilangan yang dicintai

Akan muncul rasa-rasa yang lain
Cemburu, rindu, resah, gelisah

Diikuti atau tidak tergantung pemiliknya
Yang pasti kehilangan itu bukan sengaja

Hei kamu!

ah cinta dunia, begitu fana
ah cinta manusia, begitu merana

Hei kamu yang hidup dalam khayalanku,
jadilah nyata!
jangan membuatku sengsara,
di dunia nyata!

Bukan dia maksudku,
tapi engkau!
Apa kau tak sadar,
dirimu meracau?

Bahkan jika aku ingin menggenggam gula,
yang kudapat hanya segenggam
Tetapi jika aku menggenggammu
yang kudapat seluruh alam

Tak Seperti Geten

"In truth, this world is not eternally inhabited
It is more transient than dewdrops on the leave of grass, or the moon reflected in the water.

After reciting the poetry of flower at Kanaya, all glory is now left with the wind of impermanence.

Those who leisurely play with the moon of southern tower, now hide in the cloud of Saṅkhāra.

Human life lasts only 50 years, Contrast human life with life of Geten, It is but a very dream and illusion.

Once they are given life from god, there is no such thing don't perish.

Unless we consider this a very seed of awakening, it is a grievous truth indeed"


Atsumori -- Zeami Motokiyo